Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
