I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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