I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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