Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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