let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize