Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
