i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
