when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
