dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
