Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I currently don't understand fingers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize