yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
