Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just tell him i said nine months
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
