so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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