I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
