I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
