this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The struggles of a small town man whore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
