Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
