I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I won the penis lottery.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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