Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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