Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
