I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
