Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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