yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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