I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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