Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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