Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
