So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
