found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
