he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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