i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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