Pappa wants mamma naked
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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