Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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