I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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