like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
