I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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