Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
