I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
