Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Damn victory sex feels great
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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