i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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