I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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