My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
