I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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