Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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