I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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