im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
