last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
