Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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