last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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