We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have started to decorate penises.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
