My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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