Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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