I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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