matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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