She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
