I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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