Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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