I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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