This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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