I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
