I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
