Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
