then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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did i walk over a car last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
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