im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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