So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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