i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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