How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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