Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
