at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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