It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
