What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
