It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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