One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize