I cannot find my penis.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
