11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
