Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
