He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
