I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
