there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize