Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
