She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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