im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Randomize
