The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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