I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
