A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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