My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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