I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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