Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have demons in me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
should my penis look like a turkey
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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