ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize