your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
