I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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