I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it glows. i had to have it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
