he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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